This week’s prompt is “Door.” Here is a picture of the Holy Door at St. Peter’s Basilica.
photo copyright KK
The panels in the Holy Door illustrate scenes of sin and redemption from the Bible. The door is kept walled up with bricks on the inside, except during a Jubilee Year (normally every 25 years), when the Pope opens the door to allow faithful pilgrims to gain the indulgence that comes from passing through the door.
Day 5 — Something you hope to do in your life
My hopes have changed repeatedly — not surprising for someone who has bipolar and BPD — and sometimes I didn’t have any hopes in mind (I don’t mean I was hopeless, but that I wasn’t looking into the future). When I was young I thought I knew what I wanted my life to be like, but it didn’t turn out the way I planned. [does anyone's life turn out the way they planned?] I wanted to be a meteorologist until I went to college and found out how hard it would be.
When my daughter was born, I decided I wanted to homeschool, and I did teach both of my children for preschool/kindergarten, and my daughter for 1st & 2nd grade. Then my life changed completely, and I began attending graduate school. I planned to get a Ph.D. in cognitive science, specifically child language development.
It was a combined master’s / doctorate program, but I only made it as far as my master’s before life started falling apart around me. My mental state grew worse and worse until I was hospitalized. That began a long time during which I couldn’t really think about the future, I was too consumed with making it through each day.
Life did improve, though it was slow, and over the past five years there have been struggles but overall the path has been inching upwards. I always wanted to be a writer, 
and I have had some success with freelancing. I would like to have a book published — I have ideas for both fiction and nonfiction.
Recently, I have found faith enough in myself to actually hope that I will get “well.” By that, I mean that I will be able to keep my mental issues from disrupting my daily life. Many people have physical illnesses, but if the illness can be treated so that their lives are not affected by it in any major way, it isn’t such a big deal. I once thought that I would always be very sick and that nothing I did would change it. Now, however, I can see the truth — I am beginning to see a new path.
Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” I now have faith — in God, in the process, and in myself.
I’d just like to share that the story in my Music Monday post is in no way reflective of my state of mind. Not only did I write the story several years ago, but the post itself was written last week and scheduled to publish today.
I have been somewhat depressed, but definitely not having any impulses to steal, kill or nearly kill someone, or run away, as was described in the story. Even when I wrote the story I was not having any impulses of that nature.
I wanted to clear this up because there was a misunderstanding with one of my readers, who was disconcerted and worried by the post.
I first paid real attention to ELO when they released “Sweet Talkin Woman” on purple vinyl. 
The year was 1978, and I had started my Billboard Top 40 craze. I wasn’t in band yet, so I was more attuned to the sound of the cello, which I ‘played’ in orchestra. This song had a wonderful cello part!
In fall 1981, I rode to All-Senior Honor Band with my friend Laura and we listened to ELO’s concept album “Time.” This album became dear to me for several reasons: it had a sci-fi time travel theme; a single from the album, “The Rain is Falling,” reminded me of a UIL competition where I spent time with my boyfriend; and finally, I simply liked the music.
Later, when I became engaged, I found out that my fiancé had all of ELO’s albums, so he introduced me to their other songs. The movie Xanadu had been released in 1980 and starred Olivia Newton-John, with music by ELO. The story was a bit hokey (IMHO) but I never let that sort of thing bother me! I mainly liked it for the music, anyway.
A few years back, I was riding Amtrak with time on my hands, so I decided to write a flash fiction story based on whatever song came up next on my mp3 player. The song was ELO’s “Evil Woman” and here is the story:
I stared at his broken body with mixed horror and disdain.
He would live; his injuries were not life-threatening. I had made sure of that. I was already an evil woman, but I didn’t want to add murder to my list of sins. I just wanted to incapacitate him so I could take what he had – namely, a briefcase full of C-notes. Plus his watch, jewelry, and any other valuable items. Not his credit cards, though. Too easy to trace. Besides, what was in the briefcase was plenty. How could I have guessed, while standing on the street the night before, that this trick would be the one to set me up for life?
He was a fool to pick up a hooker (after getting drunk, no less!) with all that cash on him! Any of us would have stolen the money; I was just lucky to be the one he picked. But I was damned if slimy Eddie was going to get any of it! No, I had been running away since I was 13, and this was just one more time. I would leave Vegas and never look back.
I shook away the thoughts and finished putting the money into my sequined bag. No one would have believed a hooker with a briefcase! On impulse, I knelt beside my benefactor and almost touched his cheek. Unlike most johns, he had been kind and gentle, almost loving. Almost as if I really mattered.
I made my way down the service elevator and even waved at the desk clerk on my way out. As soon as I was out of his sight, I ducked into an alleyway and used a dumpster to make quick changes to my appearance. Once more the respectable librarian, business suit covering my skimpy bikini, I climbed out and went to a pay phone on the street behind the hotel. “911, state your emergency,” came the crisp voice.
“Injured man in room 410, Romano Hotel,” I stated hoarsely. Then I hung up, ignoring her requests for more information.
I boarded the next train for the coast, but his gentle touch still haunted me
I watched the eclipse on the Slooh Space Camera website, which had feeds from Japan (Mt. Fuji and the National Astronomical Observatory of Japan) and locations in the U.S. (California, and University of New Mexico).
It was cloudy at Mt. Fuji, but the clouds were thin and moving quickly.
This is my new header, which contains images from the New Mexico site:
Today’s topic is “Pet,” so here are two photos of my cats Midnight and Stripey.
Hello, friend
Can you find them in this picture?
Thank you so much to Summer Solstice Girl for giving me the Sunshine Award! I do feel sunshiney sometimes (though not always, but I guess I’m like nature in that I have weather — bipolar weather, to be exact — lol). And I like the idea of bringing some sunshine to other people’s lives.
The instructions for the award are as follows:
Here are the questions & my answers:
Favorite number: 8
Favorite Non-alcoholic drink: Coffee
Facebook or Twitter: Facebook
My Passion: Reading
Favorite pattern: The Fibonacci Series (lol)
Favorite Day of the Week: Friday
Favorite Flower: Morning Glory
And now (drum roll please), I nominate these bloggers who have provided me with plenty of sunshine:
Zen and the Art of Borderline Maintenance
