For some reason I seem unable to do these on Wednesday, so I’ll just do them when I can!
Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
There isn’t anyone who is actually in my life right now that fits this category. However, there are people who linger in my mind, and I would very much like to let them go 100%. In most cases I’m up to 90 or 95% (lol) but I still think about them at certain times of year or when a particular issue comes up (I know I’m being very vague here, but I don’t want to give away too much).
For example, I woke myself up this morning by saying the following in my sleep:
“Most professors dictate the subject of their students’ dissertations, but I was spoiled by being able to decide for myself what research interested me.”
I thought I had written before on this topic, but I can’t find it. No matter, I’ll just explain briefly. In grad school I was first assigned to a professor who was very lenient with me and allowed me to do my own research most of the time. I didn’t understand that this was not common practice, so when I went behind her back and changed to another professor, I expected to receive the same treatment. Mea culpa! I need to let go of the 2 professors and let go of regret about my choices.
I also need to let go of the woman in Canada (see My Coming Out Story) and the teacher I had a brief affair with. Both of those situations happened in the summer, so when summer comes along I tend to think about them. Eventually I would like to let go of them and allow summer to have entirely different connotations for me.
Finally, there are the people I was “friends” with during my Xanga days — a man that I drove for 10 hours straight to meet in person, and two women, both of whom I had feelings for and one of which I met in person. A lot of that stuff happened in the summer, too, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that (quite apart from the extreme heat!) I dislike summer. No wonder I am always so happy when the fall equinox approaches; it’s like a door that I pass through so that once it closes I don’t have to think about summer in all its negative scenarios, until the following spring of course!