I haven’t been very good about my 30 (Wednes)days of truth lately. In fact, I haven’t been very good about posting at all lately. I think it’s due to a combination of physical problems, ‘blah’ feelings, and general busy-ness. Or maybe those are just excuses and the real reason is that I just haven’t felt like posting.
In any case — on to days 14 and 15:
Day 14 : A hero that has let you down.
Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 14 — When I was younger, I often had actors and writers as heroes because I had a hard time separating the reality of the person from the characters they played or wrote about. Even today, I occasionally have this problem. It is inevitable that if I have an actor as a hero because I like a character s/he plays, then I will be let down, because no human being can live up to the person they portray. It took me many years to learn this, however, and to consciously notice when I am mixing reality and fantasy.
Now, when I notice I am doing this, I remind myself of the difference between real-life and fiction, and I take special note of any information about the actor that is completely different from the character. The same is true (although more difficult) with writers; I have to remember they are not their characters, and though I may be fond of the characters, they aren’t real.
Right now, I would say that my heroes are my mom, Thomas Jefferson, Isaac Asimov, and Julie Andrews. I was disappointed by both Julie Andrews and Isaac Asimov at different points in my life — Andrews because of some of the movies she was in that I felt were “bad” when I was a child of 11 or 12, and Asimov because I found out he was an atheist. That was especially hard to get past.
Day 15 — I am hesitant to say that there is anything I absolutely could not live without, because I know that anything could be taken away from me at any time, and I would have to survive. Still, I can honestly say that I would not want to live without my partner, and if/when I lose her in the future, it will be a great blow that will take considerable time to heal. I have tried living without her — I can’t tell you the number of times that I broke up with her and moved out. Sometimes it worked for awhile, but in the end, I found myself on the “long and winding road that leads to [her] door.” (The Long and Winding Road by the Beatles is one of my favorite songs!)
Ours is not always an easy, pleasant relationship, but whose is? We have fights, but generally speaking, I think that’s normal. The important thing is that we forgive words said in anger and move forward. Also, we try to use our disagreements to learn more about each other. As a person with bipolar disorder, DID, and borderline personality disorder, I have had serious issues with “interpersonal relationships,” but she has been exceedingly patient in addition to drawing lines for what she will not accept from me. I’m very thankful for her!